apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
she keeps giving me cups of everbeer.. its everclear and beer mixed. i guess its blackout or backout time
there's a barbecue in the shower. I'd like to know who got this to fit inside perfectly. impressive
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
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