Where are you?
In a non slutty way
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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