It really wasent that hard. The male one had a M and the woman one had a W. I just couldent comprehend that at the time.
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
I woke up to three texts telling me to "go fuck myself," a panicked voicemail from my mom, and a girl thanking me... I'm not sure which I should take care of first
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the "its better than getting an actual virus from an actual porn star" argument failed.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
He got hit with a horseshoe, set on fire, fell out of a tree, and puked all over the side of his car, all before midnight. Everclear.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
I just found peanut butter between my boobs. This was for you.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
I'm still thinking about that amazing orgasm last night. I literally heard angels singing "Hallelujah!!"
Randomize
