Soap is not a condiment
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Did you just affectionately call me a scrotum?
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
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