i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
hey, its the girl who gave you a bloody nose and paid you back with a blow job. have you seen my shoes?
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Nobody in the ambulance liked me...
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
Hiding the dark circles under my eyes this morning was like trying to hide a Beached Whale on the Couch eating Pita chips.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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