Last night was proof dads should hug their daughters more
So they discontinued the hummer... Now people will have to go door to door to let others know they're assholes
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
