dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
Pretty sure he proposed because my house is awesome. His ass is a ten and he's offering to pay more than half the bills... How expensive is a divorce really? I mean I could probably put up with him for three or four years but a lifetime is a big ask.
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