He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
I made $300 today by selling pizza @ $4 a slice to nerds who refuse to leave the library. God I love finals time
my bedside table was not meant to hold this many beer bottles.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I see more hoeing in ur future
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Randomize
