Do you think red sox nation has an official powerpoint template/memo format for resignations of manny support, bandwagon applications, and other official business?
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
