I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
He told me that if I were a guy he'd go gay for me. Honestly don't know how to take that.
So, were they human bite marks at least?
Your guess is as good as mine.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
high I am. I am yoda. Yoda I am
I sent her a dick pic and used brett Favre's dick pick. She asked me why I had pictures of old men's dicks saved on my phone... I just can't win bro
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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