??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
I can no longer count the number of girls I've banged on my fingers and toes. It's like being born again.
i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
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