He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
I'm going to pretend you don't watch My Little Pony and focus on your large cock. Kay? Don't bring it up again.
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
Randomize
