Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
It's like God knew that was my ex's best friend and punished me. I've never vomited that much in my life.
how do i say, "my ex is going to be at this party so don't look like shit" without sounding like a bitch?
I seriously might throw up right now. In class. Sunglasses on. I'm getting too old for this.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
Randomize
