Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
When I went to pick up Adam from the train station, I found him passed out, covered in gold paint and wrapped in a red blanket. someone had glued a gaudy green rhinestone to his forehead. He looked homeless.
I woke up with what has to be a whole pack of smarties loose in my bra. Was that your fault?
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