you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
I touched a dick in church today
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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