Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
Do you remember the bathroom attendant when he put out his hand for a tip and you gave him a high five?
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
She's takin more dicks this month than I have in my life by the sounds of it
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
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