Dating a girl 4 years younger than you is like living in a Taylor Swift song...
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
wait do you know what youre gonna say if they ask how youre getting back?
yes. helicopter.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
I taped Calvin and Kyles heads together face to face while they were passed out. You should have seen them stumbling around using hungover teamwork trying to find scissors.
Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
