I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
So I think we're almost at the age where we should start calling boys men. Now what age do they start living up to the new title?
Most never. Some around 65.
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
We had hangover sex and then I called a taxi home. Told him I didn't want his number because, if it was meant to be, we would fuck again. He called me the queen of one night stands.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
