the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
