Jerry, you need to find god
you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
My vagina just recognized that song.
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
The bartender just hugged us goodnight. I think we go there too often.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I just got fingered in the Win-Co parking lot for pills. How's your meltdown going?
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
He offered to take me to my appointment after breakfast then kind of just sat there and watched me get a papsmier. Most awkward first date ever.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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