Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
I'm cleaning my bathroom. That being said I found a klonopin and dropped it and stepped on it. Floor is clean im gonna snort it.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
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