Sponge bath it is.
I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
Best moment of my life. I just got a text from some random number that said i can't wait to touch you. Her name is kiara and she had the wrong number.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
We are not buying weed off a guy from the internet.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Apparently I really was petting a bunny named lazarus in Jimmy Johns last night.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Randomize
