Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
you have no idea how wierd it is to get nudes while talking to grandma
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
There's always time for handjobs
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
