Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
A+ Viking dick
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
She yelled Carpe Diem when she orgasmed. Is it too early to marry her?
Randomize
