Yay Minnesota! I can't believe there's now a US Senator who has taken more acid than we have
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
