Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
He was rambling about life and dignity and happiness. but all i kept thinking was PENIS. YOU HAVE A PENIS. I CAN SHOW YOU WHERE TO PUT THAT PENIS.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
I wish I got like a congrats basket for being a responsible sexually active member of society complete with condoms, tissues and lollipops.
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
All I've done is masturbate and drink while being home from college.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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