I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
hows the new call of duty?
I only had sex with the game case so far, but that part was awesome.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
pretty sure if my vagina had a mouth, it would have been smiling afterwards.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
we're so committed to being not committed
Woke up at 5am in an elevator... Pretty much tells you how my weekend went.
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