Was just hit on by a guy with 2 kids and one was named Rocky. I need to get out of Buena Park.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
It must be a full moon weekend. All of my weird booty calls are coming out of the woodwork. I spent 40 minutes on the phone last night telling one why he is so creepy.
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Sitting across the table from one of my high school teachers who hasn't seen me since I was about 16 drinking a beer wearing a leotard
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
She was gone when I unblacked out, but she had nailed her panties to the wall and wrote “Colleen’s Dick”with a sharpie on the wall. No idea where she got a hammer and nail
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