I'm really into asian looking animals
He had one of those small greek statue penises
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
How high are you rn
Well I just ate a cheesecake straight from the box with a fork and now I’m laying upside down in a recliner chair seeing if I can Uber eats Doritos
So not that high
He ate me out on the front lawn of the post office. The people in the office across the road definitely got a show!
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