why im i the only drunk person in the library?
I have left a significant number of teethmarks in my prhone. My mouth tastes like tequila and cheddar. Tomorrow already feels fun.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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