i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
maybe almost giving yourself a concussion counter acts a hangover
She wants an explanation of my cousins creepy foot fetish with my god sister. i don't know how I can sum this up in a text.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I just love that a strip club has taco Tuesday.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
Just don't do anything stupid
i did a stupid sorry
There's a hole in our hallway wall. Don't hate me. I'll fix it. It's only about the size of a beach ball. I promise to never scale walls in our apartment ever again. Don't hate me. I love you.
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
Randomize
