Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
But Alex is drunk in Philly and I told him to come see me so that's "first-love,-drunk,-high,-and-it's-a-snow-day-hook-up-with-an-ex" points. 69
All I know is....there's beer in my camera. How do I know? Because I can pick up my camera,shake it and HEAR, the beer in it
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
