your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
He was actually able to throw up in the bucket from the top bunk. im impressed.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
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I want to hump her dimples until her face caves in.
So many issues. You honestly need help.
because drunk making out is frowned upon in museums i think
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
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He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
He’s tiny, hairless and humps my leg when he wants sex. He’s basically a chihuahua
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