I had a dream last night that we were eating cake at Mercy...hahaha. I'm furious I didn't see you.
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Hopefully. Play it cool. Bust out a few jokes. Chew with your mouth closed and show your boobs.
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
Checking my Tinder matches as I sit here in the waiting room at Planned Parenthood. I can't be stopped.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
I can see. My condolences to your vagina.
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
