i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
i would rather have had this happen at a time when i wasnt tripping out on shrooms
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to share a beverage of the alcoholic category with you, but I'm conflicted about getting out from under my covers.
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I don’t know what language he speaks but I know my boobs will translate just fine
I’m looking forward to few days of international relations
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