Do you ever just KNOW it's gonna be a good day? I mean, like in a "just found a Vicodin in the bottom of your purse" kinda way?
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I'm already at the bar. It's 2 PM. Help
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
Its official. I've reentered slutty territory. I was a condom away from having sex in a childs playhouse at a park. Oh and I lost my car keys.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
If you were a good friend you would take the nipple tassels off me before the ambulance comes.
He'd pee in it. And since it's PBR I'd have no idea
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
Randomize
