Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
There is no way to make a throwing up smiley so just picture it....
im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
explain to me why "crisis hotline lolz" is in my contacts?
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
i'm almost done photoshopping my face on his wife. it's a done deal
last time i saw her she was begging the broken jukebox to play lady gaga.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
IM TRYING TO SAY GOODNIGHT STOP FOR LIKE FIVE SECONDS WITH THE DICK SUCKING
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.
I swear to God...this day is one great big who's who in the land of fucked uppedness.
Randomize
