I fear hooking up with people who have white pillowcases because my guyliner always smears on it and i either have to A. sneak out in the night or B. wash it and see them again
How long do you need to date somebody until it is acceptable to fart in their presence?
The real question is how long do you need to date them to dutch oven them?
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
I'm currently blowing up the downstairs bathroom at work. I wish I could foursquare this.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
I feel like my uterus is decaying in my body
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
THEY HAVE BEEN GOING AT IT FOR 2 HOURS AND I HEAR THEM BANGING THIS IS BULLSHIT
I was having a dream that I was swimming in a pool filled with melted chocolate but woke up to find I had poured chocolate milk all over my body
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
