Text me right after you finish, I want to know how the ghetto fleshlight worked out
How about I just call you while I'm doing it so you can hear my reaction?
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Then he unzipped his pants and whispers, " oohhh, look out!"
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I'm going to blow a ton of money on sex toys just so I can tell you to do better than them.
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