i lost my life and panties somewhere between the 15th and 16th round of slap the bag.
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
remember that guy i blew in a bathroom in barcelona, i just blew him again in rome. lightning does strike twice.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
Not only have I fallen off the wagon, it ran me over and just kept going...
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
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