do herpes really smell.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
He asked me if we could throw a lingerie party together so I guess he's single again
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I literally got so drunk last night, I texted myself "porpoises" and that was it. I have no recollection of this.
Hey. Make all the seamen/semen jokes you want. Not many people can say they fucked 2 different girls in two different countries in one week on a tax free bonus. Next up: Italy.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
Randomize
