I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
If I don't come back from Italy with aids I did somethign wrong
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
