my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
I have been drinking at the bar so long today that I literally just found a spiderweb from my leg to the bar.
he slapped my stomach and proclaimed it a baby-free zone
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
On the other hand, this could be a new level of shame for me.
The shitshow that was last night is the gift that just keeps on giving
Only I would get an underage 24 hours before turning 21.
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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