Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
I don't remember how we paid for the cab. I do however remember giving him my heels 2 help with the bill.
Only I could run tino my father in law while looking at condoms at Rite Aid. At 730 on a Thursday morning. I'm in trouble.
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
I didn't notice because vodka
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
So if he doesn't show up do we eat his birthday cake? Because I'm stoned and wrestling is on. What's the proper protocol
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
