Getting drunk in a different country is not a good idea. Lets just say spanish women, 17 yr olds from missouri, prostitutes, and a poodle. I don´t want to leave spain.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
i dunno what you eat but your cum is all over my underwear and it smells like pretzels
we saw a llama on the side of the road. That's when we knew everything was going to be alright.
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You just said we could build a blanket and pillow "fuck fort." Of course I'm never leaving you.
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
I always thought The Big Bang Theory wasa terrible show but that was before it came with blowjobs and pizza.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
