btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
were having a shit on karen session at work but then she walked in so we used code names instead and she tried to join in like she knew them
i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
Randomize
