Sometimes I wonder if we could be friends if we lived closer.
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Like there's an 87% chance I'll end up on the bedroom floor demanding sex while freestyling in your face. I'm going to buy rum.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
Randomize
