Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I wish I had more reasons to start sentences with the phrase, "Here's the thing you've got to remember about cougars ...
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Why the fuck is the royal wedding at 4am. That is obviously not the most appropriate time to drink during finals. It's like I'm bound to fail, by royal decree.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
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