I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
My catholic guilt is strong, but the alcohol is stronger.
Some chick asked if she could eat me because I'm dressed as a taco. I introduced her to RJ. Best Wingman.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
He drove over an hour to get this shit done. I guess i win the golden vagina award tonight
I deserve this hangover.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
We should form a club for all of us that have stabbed a sibling with a fork!
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