i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
It's snowing in May and there was a law school party at the strip club. The end is near.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
He's 5'2" and his dick 4'8"
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Randomize
