Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
I need to shower three times. First to be clean, second to wash off all sins, and third will classify as baptism.
so you ordered business cards online last night with a picture of your dick on them. you need to hide that new credit card when you drink
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
She is carving a little coffin out of some wood for her hamster that died. I'm flying home tonight.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
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