if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
Drove by a guy getting road head, midday on O Street. That could be us, but you won't let me in your pants when you drive.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
