I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
WE SHOULD FUCK TWO GUYS THAT LIVE TOGETHER
THAT WOULD BE SO CONVENIENT WE COULD CARPOOL
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
Totally reading about penis envy for my final exam
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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