he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
i just had to ask the gas station attendant what state i was in... winning at life.
im in missouri by the way.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
