i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
I think I ripped my underwear last night doing drunk squats
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Randomize
