Sry I called you an 8
Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
Pretty sure somebody just said 'I used to have a nipple'
that's awkward
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
and my souvenir for the night was a nice ambulance blanket
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
