saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
I didn't realize how hung over I was until I rolled over and the world rolled over with me.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He kept saying that the puke outside the theater wasn't his and it was all a set up to keep him from partying with the whores. Then he passed out on the sidewalk.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
The timing couldn't have been better if I planned it. His mom walked away, I vomited in their mulch, and then his mom came back and offered me bread.
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Randomize
