I wish i could go to google and type in drug dealers and it would bring up a number, a product and direction
Is it horrible that I want to keep my purple landing strip until after my gyno apt? I feel like someone beside myself should see it...
I just passed a drug test. I want to shout that from the top of a mountain. Can we have beers on the top of a mountain?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
You kept asking us from the backseat if you were driving ok and then you kept talking to your hiccups and yelling at them to "stop it already!"
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
