I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Took me 10 minutes of oral to finally get him hard for like 30 seconds of sex until he came and passed out. Def not worth the ROI.
Funny, 'cause his story is it went great. He faked passing out so he wouldn't have to do anything in return.
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I just had sex with the kid I walked next to at my first holy communion
Either my apartment is haunted or I'm far more drunk than I thought
Randomize
