i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
are you just inviting me because you can't afford an actual stripper?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
