"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
today is like waiting for pizza day in elementary school, but with sex added
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
i'm just really offended he didn't want to have breakup sex. like that was the only thing i was really looking forward to
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
