I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
i dont feel like going...you don't know how much work goes into getting my whore on
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
I just destroyed that poor boy. Picked him up and put him wherever I wanted, it was like the Pride version of Elf on a Shelf.
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
Randomize
