so after he got his stomach pumped, he asked for a smoking room.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
I'm pretty sure that if I didn't have a gerbil with a shotgun in my uterus I would think i was knocked up cuz all I want is hot sauce
he signed me a blank check so today i get to decide if i want to be a saint or a millionaire
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Ps can u get with my cousin? He's a freshman at uconn and he's very attractive but like were related....
Randomize
