i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Good news. That bum you thought that died is alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
I don't have the resources to adequately explain this. I need like a Powerpoint presentation and also Vodka.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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