i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I think I just puked all over my comforter and my roomdmate won't wakt up to washc it for me
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
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