Just saw a man being put through a dui test on the side of the road... it was noon and he was on a bicycle. God bless texas.
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
I'm cuddling with a baby pig and drinking champagne right now.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
I arrived home at 7am wearing nothing but my underwear and a fedora. I ate half a dozen deviled eggs. Put Katy Perry on repeat. And cried myself to sleep. We cannot go out on Thursday anymore
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Operation rebound complete... I fucked the bouncer
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
Should I put the spider I likely swallowed in my sleep into my calorie tracker?
Randomize