I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I think I ruined his life by managing to get his initiation nickname for his frat to be "Whiskey Dick" but I still wish herpes on him and his fugly new girlfriend.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I think my brain is throwing up inside my head. How do you live like this?
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
Randomize
