i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I just saw a girl wearing a flannel shirt that would make 1992 cringe
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i wish i could tell you the night didnt begin with me drinking alone
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
I just googled if crying burns calories
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
My arms are hairy. And so Is my left leg. Just my left leg, the right is smooth.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
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