im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
dude, you cant keep using "she roofied me" as an excuse to bang all these fat chicks
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
He was more tolerable with alcohol in my system. I woke up to him squeezing me and telling me how he wanted to dip me in strawberry jam.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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